Memorandum to Media Affiliates Re Stocks

Imagine an alternative universe where the financial media hates stocks and loves gold.


From: Rooters International
To: Syndicated media partners
Re: Stocks/Interviewing stock jockeys

In order to get a consistent message out that stocks suck we are putting together a series of memoranda for our media affiliates that will contain helpful tips for covering stocks.

This memorandum deals with conducting interviews with stock jockeys. Future memoranda will cover how to write effective anti-stock stories whether the price is up or down and how to pen eye-catching anti-stock editorials.

Highlights/Talking Points:

All interviews should make the following points:

Stocks Caused the Great Depression
Stocks Caused the Great Recession
Stocks Crash
Stocks Ruin Economies
Stocks Ruin Lives
Stocks Are Fraudulent
Stocks Will Crash Again
Gold is Money

Optional talking points:

Stocks are a Medieval Invention
Stocks are Made of Paper
Paper is Cheap
You Can’t Eat Stocks

Stock Jockey Interviewing Tips

When interviewing a stock jockey, remember the three “s”s. When a stock jockey says “stocks” during an interview, make sure to smirk, sigh and snicker. If you are conducting a panel, make sure the other panelists are aware of this rule so that you can execute on the three “S”s in unison.

Finding stock jockeys to interview is not difficult. Here are some of the more prominent ones you can contact.

Peter Gif – President and CEO of Drachma Atlantic Capital
Marc Hober– Editor of the Gee, Glee and Whee! Newsletter
William Blotenjar-Blotenjar Capital
Michael Quadro– Quadro Porfolio Strategies
Greg Mana – Reno Securities
Jim Dogers– co-founder of the Physics Fund

Sample Interview with Khaki DeShamalis of See and Be Seen

In this masterful interview by Khaki DeShamalis with stock jockey Peter Gif, she manages to hit all the talking points with a smile and a bit of a smirk.

Khaki introduces her guest to the strains of “Brain Damage” by Pink Floyd playing in the background with the words of the song framing the introduction of her guest perfectly:

The lunatic is on the grass
The lunatic is on the grass
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs
Got to keep the loonies on the path
The lunatic is in the hall
The lunatics are in my hall

KD: We have with us in studio famed stock jockey Peter Gif of Drachma Atlantic Capital. Peter is a life long stock jockey and author of the book “Stock Proof- How to Profit from the Coming Stock Market Boom”. Peter, I want to get right to it, stocks were down today. What is your long term outlook for stocks given today’s downward price action and what many analysts say indicates they will fall further.

PG: What you have to understand is that stocks rose from 2009-2015. The bull market for stocks is just beginning, in fact…

KD: Hold on Peter, did you see “The Wolf On Wall Street”?

PG: Yeah, what does that have to do with…

KD: I want to play a clip and then get your reaction.

KD plays this clip . This alternative clip was also considered for the segment.

KD: Peter, your thoughts?

PG: I was saying that the fundamentals for stocks are strong. We have seen price increases for the past several..

KD : But Peter what about fraud? I mean, you saw the clip. What do you say to those who quite honestly are right when they say that stocks are the source of a lot of fraud, not just on Wall Street but on Main Street? Let’s face it, stocks are fraudulent.

PG: Well, there are scams in every industry. You don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water. It’s like when a kid comes home from school with an “A” in Math and a “C” in gym and his dad says to him why did you get a “C” in…

KD: Peter I want to get Bob and Mark in on this.

Cut to Bob of a firm of no particular importance and Mark in an oversized catering suit.

KD: Bob, what do you think of when you hear the word “stocks”?

Bob: “Crash!”

KD: (laughing)

Bob: Khaki, we have seen major stock market crashes in each of 1929, 1987, 2000 and 2008 and many smaller ones.

PG: But we have had spectacular gains in between. From 2009 to…

Bob: Peter, let me finish, you’ve had your turn. Mark and I often play word association when we have some time down here on the floor. I’ll say “stock market” and Mark will say:

Mark: “Crash”

Bob: I will say “1929”

Mark: “Crash”

Bob: “1987”

Mark: “Crash”

Bob: “2008”

Mark: “Crash”

Bob: “Black”

Mark: “Monday”

Bob: We have a lot of fun with it.

Bob: I’ll say “Great”

Mark: “Depression”

Bob: “Gold”

Mark: “Money”

KD: Sorry to interrupt but I want to get Peter back in.

PG: You know, while you guys were playing your game, stocks rose (laughter). The Nasdaq jumped 15 points and the Dow is up 80 points. (more laughter)

KD: What about the Great Depression? That was caused by a stock market crash. Lives were forever destroyed.

PG: A falling stock market was not the cause of the Great Depression. If it wasn’t for the laissez faire policies of Calvin Coolige and Herbert Hoover, we never would have had the Great Depression. Aggregate demand was stifled and it took the Keynesian policies of FDR, the best President this nation has ever had, to get us through it. What we need in this country is another New Deal type program, only bigger. You know, I was talking to my good friend Nobel Prize winning economist Saul Lugman the other day and he says the reason…

While PG is speaking, KD displays this graphic on the screen, then this one.

KD: (cutting him off) Peter Peter Peter Peter what about the dot com stock market crash and the stock market crash and financial crisis of 2008? Stocks were at the center of these events. People lost their life savings and their homes because of stocks.

PG: Predatory lending, not stocks played a large role in the financial crisis of 2008. Stocks provide long term fundamental value to investors.

Bob: Peter you are like a broken record. You said the same thing in early 2008 just months before the stock market crashed. (laughter)

PG: What I said at the time was..

KD: When are you going to admit that you were wrong? Stock markets crash all the time. Paper instruments are subject to fraud and manipulation, we all know that. Gold is the only financial asset that is not also simultaneuously someone else’s liability. Gold is money.

PG: Look, paper is unique. It has special properties. You can do things with paper. You can fashion hats with it. You can print things on it, like money. If it wasn’t for paper, we wouldn’t have money and stocks both which help facilitate trade and societal progress.

KD: and fraud, Peter. Bob and Mark, I want to give you the final words.

Bob: “Buy”

Mark: “Gold”

KD: Ok, we have to wrap it up here. Always good to have you on Peter to hear your unique views on stocks. We’ll have you on after the next stock market crash.

KD plays this clip going into the commercial break.

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